Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Oh No! Evil Vegans Plot to Save Horses, Puppies

Crossposted from DC Vegan;

They both look so good! I can't decide which to eat first.

The vegans are coming! The vegans are coming! Hide the women and children, the American way of life, and the meat products!

Stock & Land, a rural Australian newspaper targeted to livestock producers, brings us the terrifying (or terrifyingly preposterous?) news that a vast vegan conspiracy is behind the push to ban the slaughter of horses for their yummy meat! As we all know, horse is the main source of protein for Americans and the criminalisation of one animal-based protein source – horse meat – could be a stepping stone toward making all meat consumption illegal.

Save the horse harvest! (Isn’t that a lovely euphamism? As if horses were ears of corn.) Stock & Land shares that Sue Wallis, of Wyoming, believes that “it is ethically and morally wrong to waste a nutrient-dense food source in a hungry world.” So, finish your horse, Johnny. There are children starving in Africa.

In addition, “Wallis said prohibiting horse owners from a salvage market is the same as prohibiting a rental car company from selling their cars once they have so many miles on them.” Old horses are no different than old cars, you crazy, morally devoid vegans! Horses carry us around, cars carry us around. When they’re used up, we should be able to “recycle” them. It’s green, when you really think about it…

Of course, the evil vegans of the world are not content to deprive us of our precious horsey burgers and destroy good ol’ American initiative. The Charlotte Observer brings us the boot-quakin’ news that North Carolina’s meat industries are battling a bill the Humane Society of the United States and its vegan president say is meant to protect puppies, warning instead that it is the first step toward ending meat eating as we know it. Although evil vegan Wayne Pacelle insists that the Humane Society bill seeks to crack down on puppy mills by regulating and licensing commercial dog breeders in North Carolina — and not put an end to meat eating — the Observer knows that Pacelle is a big, fat vegan liar (albeit with a healthy cholesterol intake). “He is quoted in news articles in the early 1990s calling for a ban on all hunting.” BUSTED!

Kay Johnson, Executive Vice President of the Animal Agriculture Alliance, isn’t falling for Pacelle’s scheming either. Johnson reveals that the “Humane Society of the United States has a very direct agenda to eliminate the use of animals for food.” Ohhh noooes! What will we eat??

Don’t forget, this nasty Pacelle character “is a vegan or strict vegetarian who eats no animal products.” And, as we all know, those strict vegetarians are a dangerous lot.


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